My version of 24
Need a ticking clock or digital countdown in the corner of this fast paced blog
Oh I feel cr*p today, day before 1st chemo and my hormones almost in resistance to being told they have limited time, have decided to rush one in – helloooo sensitive behaviour, spots (really?) and stomachache.
I cut my hair off last night, my sign of commitment & preparation for the treatment. It actually was really hard and I still feel vulnerable today, although my friend did an amazing job. It’s funny how people react, and I think this is nothing yet !! I met a woman yesterday who was on 5th FEC and had lost her hair 14 days after 1st treatment, she said you get used to it, although it was possibly one of the most painful things she endured losing her hair and shaving it off herself with clippers.
Chemo – does this put the fear of G*d into your friends and suddenly they break for the borders ? With my operation they were fighting over who would take me, visit me and pick me up …tomorrow I’m walking into that arena alone, battle cat stance. My daughter will come and yet I also think for her, how scary and hard is that and why is no one recognising that she has chosen to face her fears and come with me. I went to my mum’s chemo, I do remember being scared of what it would do, and maybe that I’d be no help to her, but I did as did my sister all the way through. We got used to the routine, the other leukaemia patients, developed our own habits..
So here I am a busy day ahead, the sun is shining, this is just another hurdle along the way. Time to let go further of expectations of others , embrace the friendship of others who have trodden this path, and appreciate all things will pass. Chemical warfare is my ally in the battle against the asbo cells so we need to work together on this one.Just like my pre op apprehension was worse than the event I’m confident this is the same….I’ve got this, let go of the fear & worries and let’s do this !!
In the meantime – let’s just enjoy today – tomorrow is tomorrow !!