Love, Lies & emotional ties A.K.A You should go and love yourself ….

Last week I experienced some heavy emotional turbulence, not the little light-hearted quivers that make your drink shake on the fold down table. More the stomach lurching plummet 10,000 feet and make the oxygen masks spring into action. Typically I’d been cruising comfortably at 30,000 ft prior to this, recovering from surgery, feeling a surge in confidence in my rebuilt body. Feeling happy, full of lust for life and distracted by a particular person. So this rapid descent came as quite a shock and has left me questioning myself (of course) and truth, how sometimes our version of the truth greatly differs to another persons.

They say….’What’s in the darkness, comes into the light.’ I hasten to add that when I have been guilty of lying I firmly didn’t want to believe in this phrase, like even believing or typing it meant my deceit would be aired. But in this case, the internet revealed the hidden truth, are you surprised really ? In an age where there are so many mediums to share and post, and people encouraged to publicly share all thoughts and feelings, of course a photo would appear revealing a secret and a lie.

Feeling betrayed is the best kick-start to achieve a beach body, not eating for two days until the sickening shock subsided. I’m not sure if my  heart or my ego hurt the most as both took a battering. I always thought you’d know when someone told a big lie. Clearly not. You can be totally blind sided and unaware, is this the absolute truth ? Or do we have subtle hunches and choose to ignore them? A catalogue of them that you’ve overlooked ? Last week I was took a substantial kick to my stomach that winded me properly. It felt like all the air in my body was painfully extracted.

I’m not going to dwell and obsess about this, I’ve done a lot of that. A week later I feel differently, the raw pain gone, a little bruises and instability as I teeter between hanging on to memories and letting them go to move forward. My life rules are let that sh*t go and keep moving forward, my brain is wobbling though trying to find excuses for them. So here are my positives from the learnt experience

  1. Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by lies right now
  2. Better to let it go and move on, learn from this and never repeat it
  3. It validates how much love you are surrounded by in your real friends(that have your back when you ask for help even at 3 am and you can’t sleep)
  4. Vulnerability cannot be avoided and is necessary to have a real relationship
  5. I’ve overcome worse than this and will recover !!
  6. One door closes and another will open….apparently
  7. Somepeople believe their own lies and are oblivious to pain they cause others
  8. There’s no point blaming yourself or punishing yourself for belieiving them, you got caught by their different reality.
  9. Hugs are so needed and welcomed
  10. You need to love yourself and know your worth- I am somewhere weak in this area
  11. I need to quit this toxic addictive behaviour

Loving yourself is essential , well according to song lyrics and all self-help gurus. If we want to love others, we have to love ourselves.Why are some people so down on loving yourself ? You can post some motivational messages and people say you are full of yourself, isn’t it better to praise than criticise yourself ?

People say sometimes when we select the wrong people we are choosing people who mirror how we feel about ourselves. I’m not so sure that is a conscious decision as why would we intentionally hurt ourselves ? Have I unintentionally limited myself with emotional unavailability ? I don’t think I was always that way, has life and circumstances created that ? It’s never too late to change though is it ? I mean who really goes out there intentionally saying I’ll settle for less than I deserve so that I hurt myself good and proper. No one I know. So, for now ……It’s back to the drawing board, lashings of self-love and lie detector on dates  ? Dating references ?

Back to the drawing board10398946_10153283148426723_530713433240694819_n


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s