So, it’s 17 days till surgery and the wobbles have set in. Random stray thoughts pop up throughout the day, or at night. Not irrational, well not always. Some are crazy, and I know illogical like …I should make a video for the kids before the op. Why ? To scare them to death ? You’ll be fine. Make a video high AF after they’ll appreciate it more lol.
There’s a lot in my head and today I’ve felt it and a bit more snitchy. Combination of snappy and bitchy. Hurricane Al….
I think suddenly it’s a reality, and I’m all fingers crossed for success and having a chance of symmetry. But I’ve got a case of colly wobbles, you know the what ifs, what if this or what if that ? What if it doesn’t work ? What if I end up worse than I am now ? What if I can’t even have the surgery ? Will I ever be able to wear nice bras ? Will I be able to get back to the gym ? What if I need longer to recover ? Get complications ? No one visits me ?
Oh for the love of God – please turn my brain off. So today I came home, kicked and punched some pads to release some much needed endorphins and had a telephone marathon with a mate, get it together.
16 days to enjoy myself, meet up with friends, hit the gym, keep living. This is not the end of my life, it’s a possible new beginning, a new chapter. Funny thing is that going for surgery 4 years after your first one brings up memories . Perhaps the first time round I didn’t consider all the ins and outs. I had cancer, they were removing the cancer, recon wasn’t an option so get on with it. This is different, it’s kinda cosmetic but at the same time righting the wrongs replacing what was taken by the Head Boober Hunter. I don’t need a constant reminder of having had cancer, let’s try and attach a new one and be done with that. That’s so 2012…
So I’ve no doubt this is the not the last of my pre op nerves and blogs of cr*p…..16 days tomorrow and still no pre op appointment yet !! Gulp