Decisions,decisions …

‘It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you. Without a strong rhyme to step to.’ Let’s kick off the year with some old skool beats.

Time flies whilst you are having fun and there has been lots of it, thought I’d recap on the past 3 months before setting the tone for 2016.

October disappeared in a blur of Breast Cancer Awareness Campaigns, PT sessions  and the return of The Walking Dead. Yes, Monday nights spent on the edge of my sofa with adrenaline coursing through my body – whoop whoop !! Our BCA campaign for AA was amazing, we shared extremely poignant personal stories throughout the month and our followers increased, and post numbers went through the ceiling !

Since my last post about dating as an asymmetrical beauty, I’ve been challenged on this, like The Law of Attraction took note and said let’s do something about this. Wow, I didn’t see that one coming, and after riding solo since the end of treatment, it was my first physical encounter in years. Ask anyone who is single and post breast cancer it’s a big deal !

So November had lots of fireworks and my confidence took a huge upsurge. It’s funny how someone being attracted to you can make such a difference, like  the neglected spider plant in the toilet that barely gets watered, at the first drop of water springs to life and seems to double in size as it glows with content.

I’m a solid believer in loving yourself, and treating yourself with love and respect. But let’s face it that can’t replicate the stirrings of lust and mutual attraction that someone you desire brings. My face had a perma grin and I had an air of excitement about me. Oxytocin you beauty !! I’m not mistaking this as love, that’s another chapter of a story. This I feel was a huge stepping stone in the right direction, of a) rediscovering sexual confidence post cancer and b) was a ‘force awakening’  that c) will help to lead me in the direction  of finding a relationship with someone who wants the same. But this was fun and I have felt like my old carefree self before cancer called. I guess we always hope these things will last longer than they do, but still 5 minutes in the sun is better than a lifetime in the shade.

December was full of glitter, Star Wars, raving,  over indulgence, family and friends. There is nothing so precious as times with people that matter, and my days and evenings were filled just so.  There was a rare full moon on Christmas Day, first in 34 years ? It’s brilliance filling us with hope, and rituals to let things go that no longer serve us and manifest all we desire. The power of a pen and piece of paper.

I completed my survivorship PT sessions, and I think you can see the difference- certainly some of my colleagues have noticed this. There was something precious of having 60 minutes a week solely for myself. My life’s work is all about fixing others and I’m juggling charitable roles too, so the emphasis is always on the greater good of others. This weekly treat really helped in my transformation into my new skin.

I ended the old and began the New Year in good company, surrounded by good friends, good music, and good vibes. Tottering home at 7am. They often say you set the tone of the new year by the way your year ends. This year I certainly felt loved, loving and lovable. Bringing a lot of hope for 2016.

And so, It’s been 3 months since I saw my onky plastics consultant, and it’s time to decide on my course of action. I’ve swayed back and forwards since the last appointment, I’ve spoken to others, asked practically everyone I know, researched more, searched images and even asked the Universe for advice. I know this is my ultimate decision and I’m 95% in favour of doing this, I still have some apprehension  and fear, the general anaesthetic and recovery period, the fear of it not working. Although the particular surgery she’s recommend has a high success rate.

Soooooo…….let’s see what Friday brings, in the meantime back to work !!

 

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