Slipping back into my comfy knee length boots this week and seeking out cosy jumpers, I was reflecting over the past few months since my last post. Certainly was an eventful summer, and a heck of a lot better than my lost summer of 2014.
We completed the 56 km part of painful London 2 Brighton challenge – wasn’t immediately in a hurry to sign up for another after constantly walking for 12 hours or so funnily enough. After months of not having our regular walks I’m missing the pavement pounding and preparing to hook back up with my good buddy Amanda this weekend to plan our next challenge. 2016 needs a new endurance challenge !!
There’s been other challenges tho, silly things….well, having a beach holiday and swimming in the sea without a false boob floating out and resembling a jellyfish is a significant achievement. #uniboob challenges. Not giving yourself a hard time over your appearance or stealing wistful glances as women parade about in bikinis, boobs bouncing in symmetry is an achievement. After 3 years I have totally embraced my asymmetrical beauty, got used to taking one boob off at the end of the day but I’ve also not intentionally not been in situations that risk me revealing it. Like dating, that’s another subject……lol
In the summer I saw a surgeon for a routine check up, and they’ve (finally) referred me to see ‘onco plastics’ to at least have a discussion about reconstruction. I freely admit I am nervous, even considering it makes me nervous. I’ve known people to have successful reconstruction, bodies rebuilt after 10 hours on an operating table. Women feeling happy with their end results and confidently living life. I’ve also heard of failures, implants rejected. and infections. I guess my fear would be something going wrong and ending up worse than I am now. I have another irrational fear perhaps, and that’s the whole thing about ‘if it’s not broken, don’t fix it’ Translating to, if you are well don’t rock the boat and tempt fate. Except my logical head is fighting this fear with, there is no connection between reconstruction and recurrence, and it actually is still broken love !!
Physically I am trying to improve my muscular strength that surgery and probably lack of confidence and lack of use has taken from my pectorals and left arm. I went Stand Up Paddle boarding and in my case kneel up, as couldn’t convince my mind and body to push up from the board. Again, probably nothing to do with having had BC and more lack of belief in abilities. Hmmm perhaps that’s a side effect of BC too. I’ve been given 12 weeks of personal training under a cancer survivorship programme, pretty impressive I’d say.
I’m fortunate that my range of motion isn’t impaired, and I’m not struggling with lymphoedema that some of my peers are experiencing. I’m concious any potential surgery could reduce strength, range of motion, and cause a deterioration in physical abilities but it could also be painless and non problematic. Let’s go with the optimistic version.
I’ve had a long time to consider this, and most importantly I will just be grateful to see what a professional thinks. So tomorrow will be an interesting day…..I’ll keep you abreast of any updates …
2theleftofme 