Out of darkness into the light…….

Wow, so when I took an impromptu break from myself, my life and my tired coping strategies in late Autumn I didn’t expect my life to change so  dramatically. I’d been forcing myself on, in an obviously ill fitting job that was clearing causing my body & mind distress. How do you walk away from something that doesn’t benefit you any more when you are too immersed in the problem ? Well, you take time out. Taking time away from the pressure enabled me to refuel, rethink, reflect and reconfigure my situation.

I nurtured my tired body & mind with meditation, mindfulness, creative journalling, comedies, tasty treats and reconnected with friends. I swapped dashing from pointless meetings for park walks and afternoon naps. After a couple of weeks the answer was clear, I needed to leave my crushing job. The only thing holding me back was financial security, or so I believed. Making the decision to search and apply for another job was liberating, and yet i was petrified considering taking a large cut in pay.

Two wonderful opportunities emerged, and I jumped at them. It was a huge boost to my flagging confidence that I was still valued and desired, after feeling so ground down and ineffectual. That two potential employers were interested in my enthusiasm and knowledge, things I felt were AWOL. I eagerly accepted a job offer which promised far less responsibility, new direction and a break from the ridiculous pressure that had dominated my life since my return to work post cancer career break. I apprehensively handed in my notice and things began to change…

When I felt down, I didn’t want to believe the Law of Attraction could be possibly true. I didn’t want to accept that by feeling crap that I could be attracting more disappointment, unhappiness and frustration in my life. I talked about being fed up, other people talked of their pain, I was trapped in a bleak environment and collecting more. Misery seeks company it’s true. I was shut down and denying myself happiness, stifling myself.

Breaking free from that misery began with taking back control of aspects of my life. Being passive got me no where, well actually isolated me further as I distanced myself from others as didn’t want to inflict my low moods, low energy,or lethargy on anyone. Choosing to be true to myself was empowering. Letting go of what was making me miserable was liberating. I was fuelled with revised energy, feeling authentic and open to possibilities. This change in outlook triggered change in all aspects of my life and more opportunities.

It wasn’t an over night resolution at the end of the day I had been sinking lower for months and not recognising it till it forced me to take time off. I’d tried to alert others to my concerns, had seen a GP that failed to realise the extent of my anxiety, and had self referred for talking therapies and they’d not replied as too overwhelmed with other patients. I was lucky to be resourceful enough to seek ways to support myself and that I could pay for EFT and counselling. What happens if you don’t ? You sink further …

So here I am, I gave my notice in December and have been a lighter, brighter person since. I left my old job the first week of February and am 3 weeks into my new role. Since December my energy has restored, there’s an inner glow, a feeling of happiness that had been missing for so long. Like my pilot light had been extinguished and now is steadily glowing away deep inside of me.

The moral of this story, don’t stay anywhere for security’s sake. Life is short, live it, enjoy it, take risks …

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