The one with the absence of humour

Life is a bit sneaky isn’t it ? Before you realise it, life has gotten all serous and joy has sneaked out  for a pint of milk and not returned. The scary thing about this statement is, it sounds so out of character for me and it is. My mum would say, laugh and the world laughs with you and cry, and you cry alone. I actually can believe that now, it kind of relates to people being fair weather friends, but also to how uncomfortable people are if you struggle with low mood or energy. If you’ve nothing to say to your friend who has a moody, or withdrawn demeanour – disappear now. 

I am actually seeing how the law of attraction is right. Thinking negative thoughts, brings more negative feelings blergh and I’ve had my fill of trying out the other camp, I’m a firm devout optimist and this brief period in cynical, pessimism is awful. I am actually sick of feeling sh*t and determined to change it. I can now fully understand how people get in cycles of anxiety or depression, as unless you have the drive, energy and resourcefulness it’s very hard to get out of. My brief dalliance on the dark side, where physical symptoms manifested themselves as my chronic stress built up. wiped the smile off my face, transferred it to a frown, punctuated it with headaches,which in turn cranked up my dormant health anxiety and developed new feelings of hopelessness. That increased by not feeling supported at any corner I turned. My frustration at professionals for dismissing me and prescribing me a multitude of painkillers with a patronising comment actually caused my anger to kick in, which let’s face it is far more of a proactive emotion, than the passiveness of depression, lethargy or hopelessness. I was swiftly reminded that unless I took care of myself, no one else would.

Enough of wasting time in my head considering what was and wasn’t fair, what was missing, and how I wanted out of my pressured life. Enough of setting myself unrealistic goals, and feeling disappointed that they won’t materialise. Misery always seeks company, yet in my case even I didn’t want to be my own friend, it’s not like me to see the unfairness, or focus on the bad. The spiral effect is to think just that, there must be something wrong with me to think like this….There isn’t,

I’m starting to feel grateful for this brief dip into the darkness, it gives me greater insight into how others feel, how they battle for help, and with themselves. That in my past I’m ashamed to not fully understand, and been perhaps like others have been to me oblivious or just misunderstanding how hard it is. Just pull yourself together doesn’t work when you’ve slipped that little bit further. I also see this period as a good thing as it’s made me focus on negative aspects and feel them albeit delayed reactions, but in feeling the emotions, I’ve processed them and feel able to move on from them.

As an addition bonus point, I also feel grateful for it giving me a reality slap. I love my job and I hate the pressure, should I just knuckle down and accept this ? Is this what suits me ? Or am I just stuck in a rut ? It’s not out of my control, I can work on an exit strategy and adjust my current practise to reclaim my balance and improve my moods, health and well-being.

The errors we make in life are gathering speed, running along with the pack, that have different needs, beliefs and desires to us. Losing your focus, or losing your way. It’s temporary though. It doesn’t matter if it takes one day, week or month, provided you find your way back on track or create a new one

My wonderful EFT therapist reassured me that emotions are passing, and frustration, resentment are temporary, just like bad fashion, they will pass – maybe they’ll make a comeback at some point in another season but they aren’t permanent – nothing is

I’m grateful for the friends that stuck around and supported me, that shone their torches in the dark and for the ones that blatantly showed me exit signs. 

I am also grateful that I can draw a line on this and move forward, always forward……never backwards.

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