It’s not me …

It’s not me – it’s you, no really it’s you !

11 Oct 2012 by sassy71

Chemotherapy and me fell out this cycle. It’s not me it’s you !! We can’t even have a trial separation we are stuck in this committed catastrophe for another 3 cycles yet. It was all going so well until I started to want things to go my way and hey chemo is just so dominating, taking all my energy, my thoughts, my awareness, my words hell even my memory. So I tried to make a stand and be like, I don’t like the way you are treating me lately ..I even thought we need a break !! Of course chemo didn’t listen and just carried on walking over me like a submissive I’ve become. OMG I’m in a relationship with the chemo equivalent of Christian Grey ! 

Sure this sounds funny today, but for the last couple of days I’ve really not appreciated being the underdog to a chemical missile hurtling around my body, it’s rocked my uber optimism and tipped me into I don’t like it and don’t want to play any more mode where my over thinking mind tried to take back control from chemo, A battle of wills, I’m so glad today I’ve levelled back out. Ok Chemo Grey still owns my digestive system, senses and probably every other part of my body but MY BRAIN is back in control for now. 

I’m never saying chemo is easy, it isn’t…I’ve frequently said that I obey the Chemo Gods and let them do their thing for a few days and those yukky days where you sleep, don’t sleep, feel in a restless non existent blerghhhh but this chemo it has seemed a little more testing and I’ve felt worse. Aha that be why it’s called accumulative damn you !  So buckle up and enjoy the turbulent ride and volatile dysfunctional relationship with chemo – shhh don;t tell him but I’m only doing this till Xmas and then single days are mine again ….to days without anti sickness tablets and antacids…to having a normal sense of smell and taste. To having no pain !! To freedom !!!!!!

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